{sweet moments}
We all know that traditions can be to relationships what marshmallows are to rice krispy candy. A touch of sweetness and a whole lot of bonding power. There are many traditions, if one can call them that, that are neither positive or negative. Things we don’t even think about until someone does the opposite. Like whether you stack the glasses in the cupboard right side up or upside down. We all know that traditions can be negative and stifling. But I love good traditions … the ones that evoke love memories. The kind that surfaces just enough to let you know, I belong here. It might be the late night chips and salsa and coke with a few girlfriends from long ago because a party isn’t a party unless there is chips and salsa when you’re with them. It might be an annual trip to the beach. Summer doesn’t feel like summer without it.
I always hoped we’d create a few sweet little traditions of our own. For awhile I tried to think of something special to create. We kept them for awhile, but almost everything I did in an effort to create those good memories died somewhere along the way. Finally I realized that part of what makes them so sweet is that they weren’t something you had to create. They just are. They are you. The things you love. The things you do. The things that repeat themselves because they are so loved. One of my favorite traditions is little white donuts.
When I was a little girl, white donuts were rare. I loved them. No, let me say that again. I LOVED them. Sweet versions of junk food don’t make it to our house very often so they are still rare.
Every once in awhile David and I try to spend a night alone. Sometimes we stay home and the boys go elsewhere. Sometimes we rendezvous at a hotel for a night. The evening of usually finds us browsing a grocery store and invariably, we end up with a bag of little white donuts. By now it’s almost a given. We don’t even browse the aisles first. Let me tell you, it is fully possible for two people to polish off an entire bag of those little gems in less than twenty-four hours. We brew the packet of decaf coffee in our hotel room and start in on the donuts, powdered sugar sprinkling on the bed around us. The next morning we brew the packet of regular coffee and finish them off for breakfast. The perfect sweet treat for our little getaway.
Now whenever I pass the white donuts in the store, I still wish to plop a bag of them into my basket. But even more, it makes me wish for some time away. And getaways without white donuts just wouldn’t be the same getaway anymore.
Do you have a little (or big) tradition for just the two of you?
{Cleaning Tip} Crummy Stove Pans
I love to clean so much I used to call it therapy ( I know, don’t hate!), but there are a few cleaning things I don’t enjoy. One of them is the oven. The self-clean oven on my current stove makes even the outside of the stove get so hot that it frightens me so I mostly leave it dirty. I have soaked and scrubbed the little drip pans on top of the stove numerous times and always disliked the process. Soak. Scrub. Still not clean. Soak. Scrub. Chant to self, “Perfect is the enemy of good.” And THEN, the lightbulb moment. I don’t even remember how it happened, but for some reason I grabbed the soap for the dishwasher instead of my normal hand dishwashing liquid. Ten minutes later, cha-ching! I wiped those drip pans out with a swipe or two and they were clean! I even used the generic store brand and it worked like a charm! All I want to know is why it took me ten years to discover such a priceless tidbit of information.
Oops! What happened to the girl he married?
Last night as the minutes to David’s entrance ticked closer and closer, I had an epiphanic moment. My hair was messy (no, not the cute kind), I hadn’t brushed my teeth since breakfast, and even without a mirror I could see the weariness that lined my eyelids. Tires crunched across gravel and he was home. I was glad. But inside I was thinking, “I bet he sometimes wonders, ‘what in the world happened to the girl he married’?”
Somewhere between the days and nights of morning sickness and garden dirt lodged under my toenails, I must have lost my way. Somewhere between the little boy arguments and demands from so many directions, I’d forgotten to save my best for the one who should be getting it.
In those seconds as he hurried in the brick walk I saw another day. He was coming to my house straight from work so we’d have more time for our date. I was showered and dressed long before he got there, counting down the minutes with colgate-fresh teeth. I could. not. wait. to see him. I didn’t care what we did that night. I just wanted to be with him.
I still love to be with him just as much (or maybe more) than I did back then. The difference is, I spend so much less time thinking about it and anticipating it because I’ve taken it for granted. And as soon as I fail to fully appreciate the gift, I make less ado about receiving it.
Today I resolve to unearth the girl who was. To start anticipating our evening together early in the day. To be fully engaged at 5:30 instead of distracted with dinner prep. To meet him at the door instead of waiting until he gets to the kitchen. Colgate may or may not make it into the equation, but at least there is a pack of gum in the drawer I pass on my way to the front door. Here’s to laugh lines and longer kisses!
Gifts for Men [Valentine's Day and Beyond]
$15 and under:
:: A book he’s been wanting to read–can find used books in this price range easily. Try Amazon on half.com.
:: A box of his favorite kind of ice cream, a collection of snacks, or a bag of nice coffee
:: Magazine subscription or newspaper subscription for a month
:: Booklight
:: Look for items from the other categories at a discount store such as Marshalls. (Cologne, shirt, office decor)
:: Classy paperweight and paperclip holder
:: Stuff Christians Like (book)
$25 and under:
:: Personalized scratch world map for the man with wanderlust
:: Geek clock
:: Bike Chain Business Card Holder
:: Make reservations at hotel and arrange babysitting for a surprise overnight get-away
Words of Affirmation: Buy a journal and write a compliment, story, memory, or inspiration on each page (might want to start this one for next year)
Gifts: See lists above; also listen throughout the year for things he says he’d like to have
Physical touch: Turn your bedroom into a retreat and treat him to a massage or whatever 
Acts of service: Clean his work vehicle for him
Quality time: Plan an activity he’s been wanting to do (golfing? skydiving? hunting?) and go with him
The best part of a gift is when the person receiving it really, really likes it! Sometimes it’s not the most glamorous gift, but when it’s exactly right for him it becomes the greatest gift! What gifts from you have made you feel successful?
First Anniversary Sale: Week 3
This is the third and final week of sales for our first anniversary celebration. This week’s special is Buy five books, save 30%. You will also save on shipping. Shipping for only one books is $3.50, but for five books you will only pay $6.00!! This is a great time to stock up for gifts, or get together with a few friends and share the savings. Check out the Ordering Information Page to take advantage of the sale.
Thank you so, so much for all the orders you have placed these last few weeks, and especially for the all the encouragement here and on our Facebook page!!! We love hearing from you. When we were writing we would sometimes look at each other and say, “Seriously, will anyone even read this book?!” 
, so to hear that women are enjoying the read, learning from the book, or getting inspired to revive their marriages is the best gift we could receive.
Announcing the winner!
Eunice (comment #21) you won a copy of Marital Bliss with a kiss of reality! Please message us with your mailing address so we can get it out to you! Enjoy!
Femininity–Walking Gracefully from Her Heart
“…You can be a lady in any context. Femininity is not controlled by personality or circumstances. You can be a gracious, feminine, beautiful, inviting woman on the volleyball court, tearing around on a four-wheeler, working on the farm, or hiking a thousand miles. Just because you don’t like the “traditional” womanly things does not mean you can throw out being a feminine woman. It’s missing the entire point of what God wants us to be as women. Being a godly woman is not about what we do or like or our tastes, but it’s about who we are on the very core level. It’s how we relate to God, ourselves and the people around us…”
These are a few of the words from a beautiful blog post I’ll describe later.
I read a blog post a few months ago that was neatly summed up in its title, “How to be Feminine.” The author listed ways we can enhance our femininity under categories of ways to dress, surroundings, and activities. It’s a great post–for the most part, and you can check it out by clicking the link posted above.
Femininity has become something of a fad, I think. And I don’t say that in the tone of voice that fads are bad. We’re seeing a lot more lace and flowers and ruffles. There are pretty dresses like these from Shabby Apple,
and lots and lots of tutorials on how to make fabric flowers and how to transform a T-shirt from plain jane to ruffly and pretty. There are lots of blogs full of creativity and before and after transformations. I have some friends who have made femininity look beautiful. For them, it seems to flow naturally.
I find that when I read lists like the one I linked above, I know that they’re good…but I also find myself resisting a little. I’m not sure where that’s coming from and I could analyze it for awhile. However, this isn’t about understanding all my little hang-ups. Writing about this now is reminding me of the book Set-Apart Femininity and how it resonated with me in a way nothing with the word femininity ever had before.
Why?
There may be a legitimate reason. Whenever I read a list like the one above (and again, I do honestly think it has a lot of good and was written with all the best motives) I see a list of things I should be, do, like, and and say.
However,
“Femininity is not birthed out of striving or working hard enough to produce it…but in letting go. True femininity is not tough, does not control, or hide behind busyness- it allows people to enter into our soul, courageously offering our vulnerable hearts to others, to draw them to His beauty…” C. Gingerich
As I’ve thought about this, and especially the article I had read, I began to realize that part of what was bothering me was the idea of “putting on” femininity. The very essence of femininity is a spirit of freedom and rest and can not be something we bring to ourselves through dress or actions. I have read a few books that are fairly popular with women on learning to relate to men, but I find myself so bothered by them. I think it stems from this same issue. The points listed in the books are things to do–do this then you will be a godly wife. Don’t ever say this. When he does that, you must respond like this. I believe instead we should take our areas of need, the parts of our relationship that are broken, the longings that are unmet and lay them out before our Father.
Bringing our femininity–our vulnerability, our grace, our strength, our submission, our ideas, our perspective–into our marriage can not be something to be followed in a list, something we put on. When we require ourselves to act in certain ways because the list says we should and because they will get the right response it is no longer godly femininity, but self-control. Only changes in our behavior that come from God-changes in our hearts depict godly femininity. This is how we really glorify God.
While these thoughts were drifting about, I read an excellent post on femininity by Lauren at Enjoying the Uncommon Day titled Free to Be a Woman.
While the whole post is so powerful, I’ll only excerpt a few paragraphs and you can read the rest of the post on Lauren’s blog.
“We flinch at femininity. Maybe it’s because we have a wrong picture of what it looks like. The picture we have is a two-dimensional, flimsy picture of a mousy girl with a tea-cup in hand. What if this anemic picture is not true femininity and womanhood, after all? What if being a woman is something much bigger, much grander, much deeper than anyone of us ever imagined?
“…What if being a woman is about being an authentic, strong beauty for God? And, good news, that’s exactly what it means…
“…We are made to serve God as women. Our womanhood goes much deeper than just our skin or anatomy. God created, designed and shaped us specifically to reflect Himself through our womanhood…
There’s so much more…. It’s hard to stop.
Okay I’m going to quote one more paragraph:
“True beauty and femininity has quietness about it; like fresh, summer air. True beauty invites a quiet rest in others. It’s about being a woman of vulnerability. A beautiful woman invites people to come and enter her life and willingly enters into theirs. Jesus was the most invitational person in the world—people came to Him, felt safe around Him; they wanted to be in His presence. There was something about him that drew people to Him and said, “Come. I love you. I want to hear about you. I enjoy you.” We as women, who are made for relationships, get to reflect that part of Him in a powerful way.”
This paragraph describes the spirit of a woman who is easy to love. She’s not controlling situations to go her way. She is willing to live with pain when her longings aren’t met. She doesn’t need her husband or her friends to convince her that she has value. She is at rest because she has an intimate relationship with God. The security of His relentless, all-consuming love gives her a freedom that is contagious…inviting. If I were a man, I’d want to marry this kind of woman. As a woman–this is who I want to become.
A New Week, A New Sale
Today is week two of our First Anniversary Sale.
This week we are offering FREE shipping on orders of our book Marital Bliss.
Hop on over to the ordering page and take advantage of this sale–this week only!
(Please notice that free shipping applies to orders within the continental United States.)
New Giveaway
It’s Monday and time for the promised giveaway!
We are giving away one copy of Marital Bliss with a Kiss of Reality. Because we are hearing from lots of new people who have
A) never heard of the book
or
B) heard rave reviews but never had the opportunity to read it
or
C) can’t afford to buy a copy because of the economic downturn in their area
this giveaway is open to anyone who has never read our book.
Obviously, unless you’re a close friend of Christy or I, we won’t know if you’re being honest, but we know you girls are brimming with integrity.
So, if you haven’t read Marital Bliss with a Kiss of Reality and wish you’d have a chance to see what all the fuss is about, leave us a comment telling us one thing you love about your husband / fiancee.
Giveaway closes on Wednesday July 20th at 3:00 pm.
This giveaway is now closed!
Facebook giveaway #1 going on right now!
More giveaways to come …. and at least one of them here for those of you who don’t waste your time on facebook.
